Why bossplaining is a problem and how to leave it behind

Bet you've already fallen into the biggest leadership trap in Bossplaining today?

Every manager has the mission to create added value. They are conditioned to get challenges out of the way - with answers, solutions, ideas and advice ... at every opportunity and in between. Well-intentioned, but unfortunately often unnecessary and overbearing.

Hi, I'm your inner Advice Monster!

Please do not misunderstand: Advice is important and right in many situations. The problem is that managers are too eager and too quick to rush in with answers, ideas, advice and solutions. But hey, a lot helps a lot, right? What's the problem with that? Unfortunately, quite a lot, for example:

• We may be solving the wrong problem because we haven't understood the context well enough.
• We think our own ideas are brilliant and confuse them with universal truth.
• We make the other person feel that they are not fast enough, not smart enough, not good enough.

Ouch! If you can't keep your "advice monster" in check, you'll sabotage your leadership communication—and in the worst-case scenario, you'll face the unpleasant consequences:

• Poor performance in the team
• a lack of trust and
• an unmotivated team.

How do you tame the Advice Monster?

1. Keep your mouth shut and your ideas or solutions to yourself.
2. Don't take yourself too seriously, and assume that things will work out even without your lead.
3. Stay curious for longer and ask open questions.
4. Listen - and do it properly, without planning your next statement or wandering off in your thoughts.
5. Trust the person you are talking to.

Even monsters have personality

The advice monster arises from different conscious or unconscious beliefs. And each of us carries different forms within us. Here are the three most common ones:

• the genius: "I know everything."
• the control freak: "I've got everything under control."
• the Savior: "I save everyone and everything."

Want to find out what your own personal inner counselor monster is? Here is an online test including detailed descriptions and useful "therapy suggestions".

For more in-depth information, I recommend this book "The Advice Trap - Be Humble, Stay Curious & Change the Way You Lead Forever"

Inspired by the work of Michael Bungay Stanier